Saturday, August 4, 2012

Life Sometimes Kicks You Down... You Can Get Back Up With The Right Attitude

After 12 years and 7 months of an abusive marriage, I finally had the courage to walk away. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused to the point where I couldn't think for myself anymore. What pushed me over the edge was when I realized he was using methamphetamine. It was another ugly fight that resulted in both of us being arrested. I was released and un-arrested in less that 24 hours because the cops looked over the witness statements and realized I did not do anything wrong. When I got a call that he was being released, I packed what I could and got the hell out of there.

Starting Over...

This was only the beginning of my, what I like to call, purgatory. For a few weeks, I bounced around staying with different friends and family. I had 3 pugs (my babies and the loves of my life) and I could not keep them with me as I moved around. A friend was taking care of them. It was not long before a judge court ordered me to give up my baby girl to my ex. That broke my heart to send her to the abuser, especially when I could not even take care of my babies during that time.

I was beginning to get my life in order. I was starving but got assistance from the state. I built a fence around the yard with my Dad's help and brought my 2 boys home after not having them for over 2 months. My glass art was selling and I was beginning to feel like I could make it on my own.

Life Threw a Curve Ball...

Then the unthinkable happened; my Dad had a stroke. Since my Mom has Alzheimer and my Dad could not walk or speak, I dropped everything and moved in with them in their tiny apartment in a senior community. I had a corner in the living room and I slept on the floor. The last thing I ever wanted was to move in with my parents again.

The more I complained about my living situation, the unhappier I was. Can it be any worse? Already, I have lost my home, one of my babies, and any form of social life that I had. Yes, it did get worse. I had to give up one of my boys to my ex because we could only have 2 dogs in the apartment. and my Dad already had his dog. How do I choose which one? My shoulders could not sink any lower.

I hated everyone and everything. I almost kicked a guys ass for almost hitting me with his truck when I was crossing the street. I was angry all the time. I even screamed at the sky, in tears, "What else are you going to throw at me?! I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE! I'M DONE! DO YOU HEAR ME? I'M F***ING DONE!!!" And yes, suicide was definitely on my mind.

Climbing Out of Depression...

How did I turn this around? How did I come out of my depression? I focused on what I had; a roof over my head, food to eat, and a place to sleep. I still had one pug, which I gave all of my love and attention. My Dad was recovering from his stroke so I did not need to be there 24/7 anymore. I went for walks. Made friends with a few of the residents, even though they were older. I helped them with things like taking out their trash, carrying their laundry to the laundry room, took their rent checks to the office, etc. I took the focus off of my problems and helped others with theirs.

And guess what? Turns out, life wasn't so bad. When I stopped complaining about what I lost, I gained a whole lot more. I learned about the Law of Attraction and used it to manifest our house. We (my disabled parents and myself) got out of the tiny apartment and moved to a beautiful grove ranch. I got everything I asked for, including a horse to ride. And I did it with a positive attitude. You get EXACTLY what you send out. How you think and how you phrase things makes all the difference in the world.

Check out my house manifestation story:
The Law of Attraction Case Study: How A Woman Manifested Her Home To The Exact Details


  1. Thank you, Mama Indigo, for sharing your hard life story and how you got up and moved on! You are an inspiration. Love you!

  2. In all fareness I like to say. Deidra you are only telling your side of the story. You and your husband at the time of your arrests were releast cause they found that your husband had nothing they could hold you or him on. But your huband was bleeding and you had no marks on you at all. And over the past year many statements through facebook have been made about your additude. Your parents. Have said that. If. You were not there daughter they would't have anything to to do with you. So I think you should be telling the whole story to everyone. Like how you used meth. And how you still smoke pot. You need to be honest if your going to guide others. Truly always somewhere.

    1. I am assuming that the Anonymous poster here is either my ex-husband or a friend of his. And the whole story? This particular blog is about what happened between leaving my ex and today.. I did tell the WHOLE story.

      But since you obviously were there (think I don't recognize who you are?) There were witnesses to that final fight. The ex was bleeding because he tripped over his own feet and cut it open on a cinder block. I did NoTHiNG wrong. He attacked me. Yes, once upon a time, I was locked in a vicious addiction of meth, many years ago; I quit, did my time, paid my fines, took classes and walked away from it. I never touched it again, nor have I had the desire to do so. Even when I had it in my hands again those final weeks with the horrible person my ex had become.

      And my parents, I love them because they are my parents. But if I wasn't related to them, I wouldn't have anything to do with them either. We are nothing alike; especially our view on life.

      Do I still smoke pot? On occasion. I have nothing to hide because I have made my life awesome after being in the depths of hell. Yes, I have made a lot of mistakes in my past, and I have learned a lot of hard lessons. It is also how I am able to relate and understand what others are experiencing. It is why I am a guide because I have "been there and done that." I know what it's like.

      So you, Anonymous, if you are going to dare to slander me publicly.. at least have the 'guts' to do so without hiding your identity.

  3. Yes i am a friend of your ex... and what i seen and heard you were rhe abusive one. You always talk down to him. You never did anything for him around the house. You always conplained about everything. And I think you just you start the fight. I was there one day in santa paula drinking a beer with kev. When you got home. And had this little aditude right from the start just you didnt like the garage door being open and me and him having a cold one. All I got to say. I left in a hurry cause i know that you were gonna start a fight. You probley dont remember me and thats fine. Ask norman he'll know

  4. *steps in*

    What has happened in the past between two people is of no concern to present friends, and the ones you anonimous try to talk about. I for one am a divorced woman and I do know how the vieuw of the friends of an ex husband are clouded, for they will never - ever be able to look trough the eyes of the ex-wife. And, that's ok. The attitude is something we need to stay alive, stay sain, or stay crazy, depends how you look at it *lol*

    Old habbits that have been overcome have taught us valuable life lessons. Something we used to have in our life but don't need anymore, and whatever pain is left from old habbits is turned into strength to overcome much, much more.

    Old words from former lovers won't hurt anymore when one has overcome and loves theirselves.

    Thank you for sharing your story here D, no better guides than experience-experts *winks*

    Love you girl,

    all the best,
    Sabrina x

  5. And deidra has a very clouded view. Goes around telling how bad he was. I for one seen what kind of abuse she did to him. Mostly verbal. But it was still abuse. Well I have caused enough. Probley to much.. just hope you deidra dont keep trying to make it all sound like it was all Kevin's fault cause you did just as much. Damage. Just as much swing and. Hitting. Yelling ang screaming. Just remember that

  6. *points to the message allready written*

    ... it still applies. In a relationship that is not working, this happens, we all know. I do wonder why you are trying to hide behind an anonymous name and try to put oil on an already burned out fire.

    Again, you are not able to look either of those eyes, feel either of their feelings, or truely know what happend and what caused a scream or a yell... remember that.. therefore you tend to have a clouded view. I - ofcouse - ment no disrespect by writing that.

    Just remember thát.


  7. Im not giving up who am because i had something to say myself. Kev only knows what he see on facebook. Not here (well he might know something now). I people from both sides on a regular basis. So instead I choose not to say whom I am.

  8. I am posting anonymous yes!! But not to hide just don't want problems but Miss or Mr other Anonymous you are way off track here!!! First off everyone has a past and She Deidra has never hid her past she has always been honest about it!! But why air someones past .... when it is none of your business!!!!!!!!!! And I truly know the whole story and he was always mean and abusive to her .......... So she fought back by taking control of her life .... And is now happy so back off and worry about your self!!